It's not “I'm right, you’re wrong”, it's “oh, you have a different view to me, how can I learn from you!”

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By Duncan Anderson. To see all blogs click here.

Summary: 

  • Our views can change and expand as we learn more information

  • If someone has a different view to me it's not “they are wrong and stupid”, it's “ohh goodie, an opportunity to learn something!” 

  • Speaking to someone is an opportunity to learn. 

  • Jingle: who learns most wins!

 

When speaking to someone I try to: 

  • 1. Try to understand what their view is

  • 2. Try to understand their justifications

  • 3. Try to get the historical context as to how they arrived at their view. 

  • 4. Try to get their personal context. Eg left leaning blah blah. 

 

I try not to: I'm right and they are wrong and stupid

 

++++++++++++++++

 

Details

 

Facts vs Ideas (views) lens:

  • Facts = there is a right / wrong answer. EG today is Monday, EG the coffee costs $4

  • Ideas = there is no right / wrong answer, only different view points that can be updated. EG how to best spend Monday, EG how to make the best coffee. 

    • Some contentious Ideas with different views: what is the best immigration policy? What is the best Climate Change policy? 

    • Views on Ideas can be changed and upgraded, both by developments in the world (e.g. new discoveries in the science behind climate change) and by exposure to different views and experiences (e.g. speaking to someone who’s lost their home because of climate-change-induced flooding). 

  • “You get to choose your views on Ideas, you don’t get to choose your facts.” 

  • Jingle: As a view can never not be updated / improved (ie there is never a right / wrong), the only thing you can be right about is that you are wrong! 

 

Options for how to interact with others:

  • -L2: I'm right and they are wrong and evil

  • -L1: I'm right and they are wrong and stupid

  • L0: I'm right and they are wrong

  • L1: I'm right but let's listen to them all the same

  • L2: I realise that my current view on this Idea is just that, a current view and I'm trying to update it. Speaking to others done well is a way to try and update my thoughts and their thoughts

  • L3: L2 + I'm trying to understand their view and the justifications they have for it

  • L4: L3 + how did they come to their current view

  • L5: L4 + their context (eg grew up with heavily religious parents)

  • L6: L5 + my own context (eg how have my own biases and experiences shaped my view in a way I wasn’t aware of before?) 

  • Comment: 

    • Basically speaking to people well is a puzzle, you are trying to understand as much about them as possible, I find that doing this is a beautiful orthogonal way to stress test and update your views. 

      • You’ll also understand more about yourself as a result! 

    • Done well, finding people with a different point of view to you is an opportunity for an energising interaction. 

    • Done poorly, finding people with a different point of view to you is ‘exactly what is wrong with the world’ and time for a draining interaction. 

 

20 year old Duncan: 

  • Discussions were word war where one viewpoint would be crowned victor. 

  • Don't try to do L6 from above. Just try to break their argument. 

  • IMO this is a draining negative sum exercise in confirmation bias and strawmanning. 

  • Let's also call this your average ABC Q and A discussion ;P. 

 

What 35 year old Duncan tries to do:

  • If I find someone with a different view 

    • 1. Try to understand what the view is

    • 2. Try to understand their justifications

    • 3. Try to get the historical context as to how they arrived at their view. 

    • 4. Try to get their personal context. Eg left leaning blah blah. 

  • Comment: 

    • This puzzle is the best fun! 

    • IMO a skill of the highest order: “trying to talk to someone and provoke thought in a way that will allow them to change their mind… while also being open to the idea that you are perhaps the one who needs to change your mind!”

    • I'm not trying to tell them why they are right / wrong, I'm trying to understand their view and them. If I can do this, IMO then we have the basis for a quality discussion :)

 

“If you walk with two people, a good person and a bad person. Both can be your teacher, what to do and what not to do.”

  • At the end of this I might learn why I don't agree with someone. That's a great outcome. 

    • My understanding of their view has improved, and hopefully my understanding of how I arrived at my own view has also improved. My overall understanding of the nuances of the topic has expanded. 

    • As a result I might have changed my view! 

  • As long as I’ve learned something, I’ve not pissed them off and I’m not pissed off; then I’m a happy boy! 

    • No one pissed off + Learned something = Happy Duncan :)