Building work relationships - to build something you first have to do nothing
/By Duncan Anderson. To see all blogs click here.
Reading time:
5 mins for summary
A further 13 mins for the details
Summary:
A great team is more than the sum of its parts. Ie Great team: “1+1=3”; Average team: “1+1=2”.
IMO the most important difference between a great team and an average team is the quality of the relationships in the team.
Output quality = 1. People quality * 2. Relationship quality
IMO work relationships can be consciously built and maintained. IMO spending some time on this is crucial:
Output quality = 1. People quality * 2. Relationship quality
Enjoyment = 1. People quality * 2. Relationship quality
Employee retention / longevity = 1. People quality * 2. Relationship quality
People try to consciously get better at their jobs. IMO people should be consciously trying to get good at building and maintaining work relationships.
It doesn’t matter how good two individuals are independently if they don’t have a quality relationship , they won't do good work together. IMO the best people have quality work relationships with everyone… and it’s not an accident they do.
Companies worry about getting culture right. IMO companies should consciously foster quality work relationships.
It is a case of quality relationships creating a quality culture as much as a quality culture creating quality relationships
Culture and relationships are mutually exclusive and collectively exhaustive
It doesn’t matter how good your mission is if employees are all strangers to each other, they won’t care, won’t level each other up and won’t challenge ideas that don’t make sense to them etc.
A bunch of strangers = average team = “1+1=2”.
People who have quality work relationships = great team = “1+1=3”
“Friendships are built from doing nothing together, not something together.” Sheldon Kendrick
You can have one night out with someone (doing nothing time). 2 years later you see you see them down the street and you say ‘buddy, how are you!’
You can work with someone for 2 years (work can be all doing something time) and have left that job 2 years ago. You see them down the street after not seeing them for 2 years and you hide hoping they don’t see you so you don’t have to say hello.
Examples of doing nothing [deeper examples below]:
Chatting on the way back from a meeting for 2 mins
Talking in the kitchen for 2 mins
Getting coffee
Having a chat at monthly drinks.
Team offsites (done well)
Examples of doing something:
Basically everything else.
Eg working on a project, weekly team meeting, etc
Jingle: To build something (at a company) first you have to do nothing (with your coworkers and build your work relationships so you can do something well).
Work relationship levels (full explanation of levels below):
-L1: don’t like: “Poor team = 1 + 1 = 1.5”, won’t ask for help, are a sourpuss
L0: don’t know someone: “Average team = 1 + 1 = 2”, won’t challenge an idea, are neutral energy
L1: friendly: “Great team = 1 + 1 = 3”, will ask for help, will challenge an idea, will laugh etc.
L2: work BFF: “Special team = 1 + 1 > 3”, have many new emergent ideas
Thoughts on getting to “L1: friendly” work relationships in 30 mins, not 3 months
I loved this “The 36 Questions That Lead to Love” from the NYTimes 5 years ago.
Here are my 11 questions to get to “L1: friendly” work relationship strength in 30 mins at Edrolo (full explanation of where the questions came and suggestions on authentic vulnerability below. IMO you’d likely want to change these to fit your company. If you want I’ll make ~10 questions for your company for $10k :) ):
1. Prior to school people often love reading, lego, board games, playing sport or something else. Did you love anything prior to school?
I ask the question and then answer first, trying to be vulnerable and allow someone else to open up if they want when they answer the question.
This is the same for all 11 questions, ie I go first.
2. Did you like primary school or not really?
3. What subjects did you end up doing in Year 12 and why?
4. If you could go back in time give yourself advice on what subjects to do in year 12 what would the advice be and why?
5. What did you do at university, did you enjoy it and if you could have your time again would you do something different?
6. What is your fav part of the existing secondary education system and what is your least fav part?
7. [before this meeting have them watch the latest version of product vision] Any initial thoughts you have on the Edrolo product strategy?
8. If you are comfortable, what were the main reasons you applied for this job? Is there anything that worries you about this job?
9. If you made a lot of money and were going to give some money to a charity what charity would you choose and why? (this is getting into what they care about, if they have any big passions etc, it’s a softball way of asking this)
10. Are there any developments in the world in the last year or two that worry you?
11. Anything you want to ask me?
… if you read to the bottom i’ve made a generic 11 questions for any company for ‘getting to L1: friendly’.
++++++++++++++++++++
Details
Output quality = 1. Quality of people * 2. Relationship quality
If you have a great designer and a great engineer who… hate each other (poor relationship) the joint work output ain’t going to be high quality.
If you have an average designer and an average engineer who really enjoy working (great relationship) with each other output quality can be great!
“A great team is more than the sum of its parts.”
Great team = 1 + 1 = 3
Average team = 1 + 1 = 2
Poor team = 1 + 1 = 1.5
A great team has great work relationships. Work relationships are a multiplier (positive and negative) on everything.
Output quality = 1. People quality * 2. Relationship quality
Enjoyment = 1. People quality * 2. Relationship quality
Employee retention / longevity = 1. People quality * 2. Relationship quality
High output quality + high enjoyment + high retention = quality company culture
Are “Great relationship quality” more important than “People quality”? Maybe
[hopefully] Duncan (today) > Duncan (yesterday)
Duncan (today) = Duncan (yesterday) * Output Quality * Enjoyment * Work Relationships
I hope to go to bed a little wiser each day. I try to make myself a little wiser, I try to make others a little wiser, I hope others try to make me a little wiser.
Trying to make others a little wiser is partially dependent on relationship strength.
Others trying to make me a little wiser is partially dependent on relationship strength.
Seriously I think that I’m 100x more capable than I was 10 years ago. A mega portion of this has come from others helping upgrade me and 2nd order personal learnings from trying to upgrade others.
So for myself: relationship strength is one of the single most important factors to personal growth. So relationship strength > today’s people quality. Because relationship strength = tomorrow’s people quality!
Work relationship strength levels
Levels:
-L1: don’t like
L0: don’t know someone
L1: friendly
L2: work BFF
There is much literature about the strength of work relationships being important, eg see HBR here. One component of relationship is whether you laugh (link). And here is one on the value of ‘work best friends’.
For a bit of fun I’m going to harvest the ‘Five dysfunctions of a team’ framework to make my ‘levels of relationships strength rubric’.
Levels:
L1: Trust = trust
L2: Conflict = will challenge an idea they don’t agree with
L3: Commitment = cares about company and others and will work to get things done
L4: Accountability = will ask for help, will pushback if timelines need to change, will ask for support if needed
L5: Results = enjoys work, enjoys working with coworkers.
The concept of ‘emergence’
When ideas (people) mix well together you don’t just choose between the best idea, you have new emergent ideas possible from the mixing of ideas together.
Ie it’s not just should we do with “Idea 1 or Idea 2?”
But “Idea 1 * Idea 2 = new emergent Idea 3. Now which of these three ideas should we go with?”
So: Quality work relationships => quality idea mixing => high ‘emergent’ new ideas => ‘1+1=3’
An average team (company) is a collection of separate individuals with minimal emergent ideas.
A great team (company) is a hive mind (combination of individuals) with many emergent ideas.
In visual format:
Work relationship level details (god I love making taxonomies like this, fun fun fun!)
What is a Work Best Friend?
Someone with which you are willing to talk about anything.
Someone you laugh with.
Someone you care about and want to be friends with even if you don’t work together in the future.
Someone you look forward to seeing.
There is much literature that having a work best friend massively improves work enjoyment and longevity.
“Friendships are built from doing nothing together, not something together.” Sheldon Kendrick
22 year old Duncan really wanted to do a good job at work. 22 year old Duncan thought that meant trying really hard (doing something) and no slacking off (doing nothing, eg small talk). Today Duncan thinks work relationships are very important, and that as such doing nothing is very important. Today Duncan tries to do ~90:10 something:nothing time breakdown.
“For machines downtime is a bug, for humans it’s a feature”. Arriana Huffington.
For work output do nothing time is a bug, for work relationships do nothing time is a feature.
[an even better version] For work output do nothing time seems like a 1st order is a bug (decrease output), however for work relationships do nothing time is a 1st order feature… and as such a 2nd order improvement for work output.
Details of doing nothing! Doing nothing is complex ;)
Ongoing
Micro- <5 mins
Unstructured:
Chatting when walking back from a meeting for 2 mins
Chatting when you bump into each other in the kitchen for 2 mins
Walking to get coffee together
Talking about something you know they will be interested in at their desk for <5 mins
Structured:
Based on previous unstructured ‘doing nothings’ together
Ask about how their band is going that they told you about when you had coffee last week
Ask about the project they’re working on that they told you about at the last work drinks
Make a joke about their footy team that lost to yours
Reference that cafe you both love
These may seem small or trivial pieces of information and could even be criticised as ‘inauthentic’ if they are ‘structured’ but it is the listening, remembering and rearticulation of these small ‘unstructured’ pieces of information that makes them genuinely authentic even when used as part of structured relationship building
Small talk is no small matter.
Do you know what I think is inauthentic? Not knowing anything about your work colleagues beyond just work.
Medium - 5 - 30 mins
Unstructured:
Having a coffee together
Having lunch together
Having a chat at monthly drinks / quarterly day
Toastie Tuesday
Structured:
10 min structured chat with another person at work where you explain what you do day to day in 2 mins, then they do the same then you chat for 6 mins based what what you’ve just learned!
1-3 hour structured do nothing team time. It can be as simple as a dinner with 3 courses where you change who you are sitting next to for each course. It can be some of those team bonding sessions you have external people come in for.
Macro - 30 mins +
Eg 6 monthly team offset for 1-2 nights. IMO a well designed offsite is ⅓ strategy, ⅓ planned do nothing time (eg team building exercises) and ⅓ unstructured do nothing time (eg cook dinner, have some board games and people can play / not etc).
Comment:
I worked at Google in 2011 / 2012. I used to enjoy the offsites there which in hindsight had lots of ‘unstructured do nothing time’ which I didn’t understand the value of. I thought it was a ‘junket’.
“The best things in life are selfless and selfish.” DA
I really looked forward to the offsites, they were such fun and good bonding with people. Also, I didn’t really have to work for 2 days on work time! In hindsight the offsites massively build work relationships and as such improved work quality, enjoyment and employee longevity during ‘normal work times’.
We had two 2.5 day work offsites a year. This 5 days / 250 work days = 2% of time. Did this 2% of time improve quality, enjoyment, speed and employee satisfaction more than 2%? You betcha! More like 50% if you ask me!
So doing nothing is actually doing something :). So while I thought in 2012 that offsets were a junket (waste of money), they were actually a way to save money (increase output quality and quantity).
To make money often you have to spend money.
IMO to have a great team (company) you should consciously invest in work relationships.
Without a regular offsite your people will be put off!
Getting started - Structured
I loved this “The 36 Questions That Lead to Love” from the NYTimes 5 years ago.
I made a version of them for ‘getting to know new people at work’. It’s basically my attempt to get to “L1: friendly” in 30 mins. It used to take me eg 3 months to get to “L1: friendly”!
Deconstruction of “The 36 Questions That Lead to Love”
IMO they are a set of questions that slowly become more personal.
Here is my version of this for Edrolo (an education company so the questions are very education heavy).
Principle: “to have a friend first you must be a friend.” Be vulnerable first and allow the space for someone else to also be vulnerable.
Questions to get to ‘L1: friendly’ in 30 mins for Edrolo:
1. Prior to school people often love reading, lego, board games, playing sport or something else
[going first] I (DA) personally loved Lego. Played it all the time!
Did you have a love of of these things or something else? [you let the conversation roll around here for up to 5 mins]
2. Did you like primary school or not really?
[going first] I didn’t mind it. I was solid academically but I was not cool. I had friends but I suppose I worried about having friends etc.
How did you find primary school?
3. What subjects did you end up doing in Year 12 and why?
[going first] I did what the school recommended to me: Physics, Chemistry, 2x Maths, English and Mandarin. I did well at maths and science but average at English and Mandarin… and didn’t really enjoy any of the subjects. I didn’t hate them, but I didn’t like them.
What subjects did you do and why?
4. If you could go back in time give yourself advice on what subjects to do in year 12 what would the advice be and why?
[going first] I didn’t find any of the subjects real world applicable or interesting and I didn’t learn about writing skills really. I’d tell myself to swap Physics for Legal Studies and 1x Maths for Economics as IMO both those subjects are clear real world links and also would have helped improve my writing skills.
Would you have any advice for yourself?
5. What did you do at university, did you enjoy it and if you could have your time again would you do something different?
[going first] I did Mechanical Engineering & Commerce. It was a highly theoretical degree and I didn’t understand why it would be useful in the real world. It was basically ‘more of Year 12’ for me.
If I had my time again I’d do Computer Science & Commerce and I’d do some Philosophy and more Economics in the commerce part and less Finance.
What about you?
6. What is your fav part of the existing secondary education system and what is your least fav part?
[going first]
Good: I think school is much more than just ‘learning maths, english, science, etc’, it’s friends, baby sitting, extracurricular activities like sport etc. IMO the best schools are a community that fundamentally change what it’s possible for their students to do. They are beautiful, wonderful places.
Not so good: I think that often teaching of existing subjects like maths, science and humanities can be done in a rote manner vs explaining how to get the answer and how to use in a students life. I believe the existing curriculums have the possibility of being interesting, but that often they are currently taught in a very boring fashion. I hope to help change this.
Do you have any thoughts about what you like and don’t for the existing education system?
7. [before this meeting have them watch the latest version of product vision] Any initial thoughts you have on the Edrolo product strategy?
[go first] Recap the product vision journey (ie generations of how we got to where we are in <5 mins. Explain why you think what we are doing is a step up over what occurs now but also 1x thing to be mindful of.
Do you have any questions about the Edrolo product strategy?
8. If you are comfortable, what were the main reasons you applied for this job? Is there anything that worries you about this job?
[going first] For myself, I love that I can tangibly see the improvements we make to education resources over what schools use now. One key worry area for me are the deliverable deadlines. We can’t get 90% of a textbook done by the print deadline. Because of our immovable deadlines basically every year there are periods of non-trivial time pressure stress.
Do you have any initial thoughts here?
9. If you made a lot of money and were going to give some money to a charity what charity would you choose and why? (this is getting into what they care about, if they have any big passions etc, it’s a softball way of asking this)
[going first] A bit esoteric: I think a free independent press is vital for a healthy democracy and that we are losing part of his with the decline of newspapers and the rise of the internet. So I’d help fund the ‘Wakely awards’ specifically for investigative journalism making the price money WAY bigger.
Do you have any thoughts here?
10. Are there any developments in the world in the last year or two that worry you?
[go first] The idea of ‘fake news’ scares me. One articulation I have of this is ‘just disregard any information you see in the media that goes against your view as ‘fake’’ don’t think ‘ok well that contradicts my view here, so maybe my view needs updating.’
Do you have any thoughts here?
11. Anything you want to ask me?
[Hopefully after the above they are massively more comfortable around you, ie relationship strength is ‘L1: friendly’ and will ask a question or two.]
[In some respects this is the NPS question to measure how well the previous 9 questions have gone. If someone has “L1: friendly” relationship strength with you now they’ll be asking questions. If they are not comfortable then they won’t! IMO it’s not just a matter of asking the questions, it’s also about being authentically vulnerable AND taking an interest in others]
V1 11x generic questions for a company to get to know people.
1. Prior to school people often love reading, lego, board games, playing sport or something else. Did you love anything prior to school?
2. What did you do at university, did you enjoy it and if you could have your time again would you do something different?
3. [before this meeting have them watch the latest version of product vision] Any initial thoughts you have on the company product strategy?
4. What did you like most about your previous role?
5. What was something that frustrated you about your previous role?
6. What was your first impression of [Edrolo] and has this changed at all since you have started?
7. What is a company you admire and why?
8. If you are comfortable, what were the main reasons you applied for this job? Is there anything that worries you about this job?
9. If you made a lot of money and were going to give some money to a charity what charity would you choose and why? (this is getting into what they care about, if they have any big passions etc, it’s a softball way of asking this)
10. Are there any developments in the world in the last year or two that worry you?
11. Anything you want to ask me?
If you only take away one thing:
Work relationships are crucial to good work outcomes.
IMO one can and one should consciously build and maintain work relationships.
Quality work relationships should help you win the work championships. Poor work relationships will likely lead to work shipwrecks!